Valentine's Day always brings a moral dilemma for me. I know it’s a stupid capitalist way of screwing us over for yet another celebratory day of the year, forcing us to spend our hard earned wages on utter crap, but deep down I am a romantic, and I love any excuse to get in some saucy knickers and give my man a treat.
Always edging on the side of originality I was trying to think of something romantic to do for my boyfriend that would incorporate class and sophistication and filthy whore-like activity. It’s not easy, I can tell you!
I decided that sometimes a good old fashioned night of romance may be just the trick. So armed with my credit card I headed towards the high street in search of some sexy lingerie. Combining sex goddess, romance and comfort is not an easy out to find! After a viewing a variety of crotchless, nipple tasselled and edible items I decided on a good old black silky number. They always work in the films, right?
My next task would be how to set the scene, without making our bedroom resemble a scene from a porno or a dodgy Mills and Boon scenario. Candles? Fire hazard. Booze? Could end up like a ride on the dodgems rather than a good seeing to. Music? Barry White could be a little cheesy...Nirvana could be a little depressing, Rolling Stones could be a little toomuch like hanging in out with my dad. Sterephonics it is......my man loves them after all.
In the end I decide that we put way to much pressure on Valentine's Day being amazing, so I plan to just enjoy being in love and having a good old time, however it turns out.
So wish me luck guys and girls!
Sunday, 15 August 2010
Hmmm - what's the best way to warm up when it's this cold outside?
After getting over the initial childlike excitement of being snowed in this week, I started to think of exciting things my boyfriend and I could get up while we were all alone in the flat keeping warm.
Enjoying our little snow fight in the back garden, it came to me - we could have our own little wintry game in the bedroom. Rather than attempting to carry some snow up the three flights and place it seductively over my body, only to discover there was a massive wet patch resembling a big wee (yes, that happened once), I decided instead to lure my boyfriend inside with the promise of a nice big bubble bath and a cup of hot chocolate (and no, he isn't 12) and then surprise him with a fun game of hide the ice cube/find the ice cube. Seeing as he'd found it oh so funny to put half a ton of snow down my pants I also thought it would be a chance to get my own back!
Convincing him to get naked and wait on the bed was easy; getting the ice cubes out of the freezer, unstuck from my fingers and to the bedroom was not. You would think after all my experimentation I would be a pro, but sadly not. Swooping into the bedroom with a pint glass full of ice cubes still wearing my bobble hat and old rugby socks, my boyfriend arose, so to speak, with a very happy face. We forgot the ice cubes and got hot and sweaty instead.
I warn you ice cubes can be dangerous in sex games. They stick to your bits, freeze your bits and melt all over the place. However, they are incredibly fun to play with.
Just be prepared to warm yourselves up after the ice has melted.
Enjoying our little snow fight in the back garden, it came to me - we could have our own little wintry game in the bedroom. Rather than attempting to carry some snow up the three flights and place it seductively over my body, only to discover there was a massive wet patch resembling a big wee (yes, that happened once), I decided instead to lure my boyfriend inside with the promise of a nice big bubble bath and a cup of hot chocolate (and no, he isn't 12) and then surprise him with a fun game of hide the ice cube/find the ice cube. Seeing as he'd found it oh so funny to put half a ton of snow down my pants I also thought it would be a chance to get my own back!
Convincing him to get naked and wait on the bed was easy; getting the ice cubes out of the freezer, unstuck from my fingers and to the bedroom was not. You would think after all my experimentation I would be a pro, but sadly not. Swooping into the bedroom with a pint glass full of ice cubes still wearing my bobble hat and old rugby socks, my boyfriend arose, so to speak, with a very happy face. We forgot the ice cubes and got hot and sweaty instead.
I warn you ice cubes can be dangerous in sex games. They stick to your bits, freeze your bits and melt all over the place. However, they are incredibly fun to play with.
Just be prepared to warm yourselves up after the ice has melted.
As George Michael once said - let's go outside...
Finding ourselves bored yet again at the weekend, my boyfriend and I decided that a few pints and a nice walk in the park would be a great way to spend our hard earned weekend. Afterall, Greenwich park is so beautiful and what areSundays for?!?!
Walking home through the park watching the sun go down, I found myself feeling a little frisky after several pints of yummy fruit beer. I looked at my boyfriend with that 'Take me now and give me all you've got' look. He returned with a glare and a stern "Are you serious?". I could tell this would take some convincing.
After spending the next half an hour trying to meander him to a secluded spot away from prying eyes and mud patches, I found a perfect little corner concealed by trees. I think he had come round to the idea, despite the cold, because before I knew it my jeans were down and I was against a tree one leg in the air.
Outside frollicks are fun - being at one with nature and all that. Sadly, they're also illegal. After being spotted by an irate park keeper, we tried to make a run for it. Attempting to run downhill, jeans round your ankles, is not easy by any stretch.
I'm not sure if it was trying to run uphill and pull my jeans up both legs or trying to high jump the fence - or being thrown over the fence into a the path of some evening walkers - but somewhere along the lines I had managed to lose my knickers, and apparently my dignity. I did, however, have the most fun I've had in a muddy park for a long time.
Now I understand why people have a yearning desire to be 'at one with nature'......
Walking home through the park watching the sun go down, I found myself feeling a little frisky after several pints of yummy fruit beer. I looked at my boyfriend with that 'Take me now and give me all you've got' look. He returned with a glare and a stern "Are you serious?". I could tell this would take some convincing.
After spending the next half an hour trying to meander him to a secluded spot away from prying eyes and mud patches, I found a perfect little corner concealed by trees. I think he had come round to the idea, despite the cold, because before I knew it my jeans were down and I was against a tree one leg in the air.
Outside frollicks are fun - being at one with nature and all that. Sadly, they're also illegal. After being spotted by an irate park keeper, we tried to make a run for it. Attempting to run downhill, jeans round your ankles, is not easy by any stretch.
I'm not sure if it was trying to run uphill and pull my jeans up both legs or trying to high jump the fence - or being thrown over the fence into a the path of some evening walkers - but somewhere along the lines I had managed to lose my knickers, and apparently my dignity. I did, however, have the most fun I've had in a muddy park for a long time.
Now I understand why people have a yearning desire to be 'at one with nature'......
Is trying out the Kama Sutra on a hangover a wise idea?
Bored and extremely hungover as usual last Sunday afternoon, I was desperately racking my brains for something to do that wouldn't involve (a) Making any further bruises to my bank account (b) Removing the remaining mascara, and (c) absolutely no booze.
Intrigued by the Karma Sutra book my mother strangely found appropriate to put in my Santa stocking, my boyfriend and I decided to give a new position a bash. After all, everyone knows sex is the best cure for a hangover. Well that and a huge fry up.......
After much deliberation - him insisting on 'The Dog' (no guesses for that one, people) and me insisting on something 'sensual' - we decided on 'The Cat'. A happy medium, I thought - after all, relationships are about give and take.
But surprisingly, lying on my stomach and having my legs yanked up in the air by my ankles did not create the tender, loving feeling I was after. However, as I wasn't exactly putting much effort in, I was hardly in a position to complain. My boyfriend, however, seemed to be having the time of his life - maybe he was still drunk?!
Being in the position of strength and control certainly did it for him on that occasion. So I let him have his moment….but not before I had mine of course.
I'm not sure about the position itself but some more experimentation will definitely be on the menu.
Karma Sutra - mistake or miracle? Only with practice will I find out...
Intrigued by the Karma Sutra book my mother strangely found appropriate to put in my Santa stocking, my boyfriend and I decided to give a new position a bash. After all, everyone knows sex is the best cure for a hangover. Well that and a huge fry up.......
After much deliberation - him insisting on 'The Dog' (no guesses for that one, people) and me insisting on something 'sensual' - we decided on 'The Cat'. A happy medium, I thought - after all, relationships are about give and take.
But surprisingly, lying on my stomach and having my legs yanked up in the air by my ankles did not create the tender, loving feeling I was after. However, as I wasn't exactly putting much effort in, I was hardly in a position to complain. My boyfriend, however, seemed to be having the time of his life - maybe he was still drunk?!
Being in the position of strength and control certainly did it for him on that occasion. So I let him have his moment….but not before I had mine of course.
I'm not sure about the position itself but some more experimentation will definitely be on the menu.
Karma Sutra - mistake or miracle? Only with practice will I find out...
January blues
Let's face it, January is never a good month for anyone. We're all skint, we all feel a little chubby from all that Christmas cheese and we all so desperately want to make the year ahead amazing with that wonderful positivity that wears off around mid February.
However, this was precisely the idea I had in mind when I decided to prepare a dirty evening in with my boyfriend.
We all know that oysters are an aphrodisiac, but who can actually afford them?! So I needed to think of something else. What would be an exciting treat, and yet cost next to nothing???? Hmmmmmm
Roast dinner?
8 cans of Stella?
My bare arse on a plate?
And then it came to me.........................
We all know our man has a secret outfit fantasy, but who wants to dress up as that cheerleader bird from Heroes?! So, instead, I set up the living room with candles, the latest James Bond film and copias amounts of cheap beer. Wearing some bargain M&S January sales sexy undies, I was all set for a night of romantic filth.
Fuelled with excitement and a few G&Ts, I was ready to go. My boyfriend finally walked in three whole hours late announcing that he had been to the pub with people from work. I didn't care one bit…I was ready for action! He was completely surprised by the little romantic evening I had planned, but loved it. We can all think of beautifully romantic evenings, wonderful ideas of lovely things to do as a couple, but let's face a good Friday night shag on the sofa is always a winner!
Recipe for sex success - beer, enthusiasm, and general horniness. Job done!
However, this was precisely the idea I had in mind when I decided to prepare a dirty evening in with my boyfriend.
We all know that oysters are an aphrodisiac, but who can actually afford them?! So I needed to think of something else. What would be an exciting treat, and yet cost next to nothing???? Hmmmmmm
Roast dinner?
8 cans of Stella?
My bare arse on a plate?
And then it came to me.........................
We all know our man has a secret outfit fantasy, but who wants to dress up as that cheerleader bird from Heroes?! So, instead, I set up the living room with candles, the latest James Bond film and copias amounts of cheap beer. Wearing some bargain M&S January sales sexy undies, I was all set for a night of romantic filth.
Fuelled with excitement and a few G&Ts, I was ready to go. My boyfriend finally walked in three whole hours late announcing that he had been to the pub with people from work. I didn't care one bit…I was ready for action! He was completely surprised by the little romantic evening I had planned, but loved it. We can all think of beautifully romantic evenings, wonderful ideas of lovely things to do as a couple, but let's face a good Friday night shag on the sofa is always a winner!
Recipe for sex success - beer, enthusiasm, and general horniness. Job done!
Happy New Year Sexy People
Heading into the new year filled with new aspirations, some sexy lingerie from Santa and a good Christmas stuffing, I had high hopes. But so far January has been a dull disappointment.
I find that on the whole, January is generally a disappointment after the Christmas and New Year climax. It appears all of my New Year's resolutions were becoming more and more unachievable by the hour, no matter how hard I tried, especially my promise to HAVE MORE SEX. So alone on a Friday night I found myself sitting of the TV armed with a bottle of dubious vino stolen from my mothers Christmas leftovers in a God-awful cardigan from some distant auntie I assumed was dead, I started thinking. My year of amazing sex doesn't actually have to include my gorgeous boyfriend. Oh no!
This was about being an independent woman, enjoying my sexuality and feeding my desire for an orgasm a day. And all that feminist jazz!!
With that in mind I set to work. Having a boyfriend is great and certainly has fantastic advantages. They can fix stuff, lend you money, tell you that you look hot when you have mascara down your cheeks and bed hair, but sometimes, just sometimes, they are just not required.
Don't get me wrong - I love men and all that they bring to a relationship, but sometimes a girl just has to fix things herself. So perhaps afterall 2009 will be the year of amazing sex, but it just won't be with someone else...
I find that on the whole, January is generally a disappointment after the Christmas and New Year climax. It appears all of my New Year's resolutions were becoming more and more unachievable by the hour, no matter how hard I tried, especially my promise to HAVE MORE SEX. So alone on a Friday night I found myself sitting of the TV armed with a bottle of dubious vino stolen from my mothers Christmas leftovers in a God-awful cardigan from some distant auntie I assumed was dead, I started thinking. My year of amazing sex doesn't actually have to include my gorgeous boyfriend. Oh no!
This was about being an independent woman, enjoying my sexuality and feeding my desire for an orgasm a day. And all that feminist jazz!!
With that in mind I set to work. Having a boyfriend is great and certainly has fantastic advantages. They can fix stuff, lend you money, tell you that you look hot when you have mascara down your cheeks and bed hair, but sometimes, just sometimes, they are just not required.
Don't get me wrong - I love men and all that they bring to a relationship, but sometimes a girl just has to fix things herself. So perhaps afterall 2009 will be the year of amazing sex, but it just won't be with someone else...
Here's to a sexy 2009
Already, I have come up with a huge list of ridiculous New Year's resolutions that I plan to implement come January the 1st that I will not maintain in a month of Mondays.
1. Quit smoking
2. Only drink on weekends
3. Loose weight blah blah blah
4. Save up for a luxury holiday
5. Pay off ALL my debt - including my loving parents
6. 'Invest' in some quality workwear
7. Learn to cook
8. Take up Yoga
9. Read more books - trashy chicklie included
10. Learn toplay the trumpet
I took a step back and realised that it was time to be an adult about it and to take a more achievable approach to self improvement. Let's face it, how many of these am I realistically likely to uphold?! Very few, if any.
With this in mind I came up with a new New Year's resolution - to have better sex!
This may seem superficial to some, but I really think it's important to a girl's life. And what better way to shift those extra Christmas pounds that will undoubtedly cling to my hips like my boyfriend does to me on a drunken sofa session?
In an effort to maintain this resolution, I perused the internet in search of an exciting book to give me ideas. I stumbled across a vast array of literature on how to 'stimulate mind and body', 'get into the sex zone' and 'give the best head EVER'. After much deliberation I decided on a book that claims to give you a new position for every day of the year. Looking at some of them, I experienced a variety of emotions - sheer fear, a distinct feeling of inflexibility, but mostly uncontrollable excitement.
So, armed with my new book, some quality lubrication and an enormous box of condoms I'm heading into the new year excited and horny!
Happy New Year Ladies and Gents - 2009 will be the year of amazing sex....if nothing else!
1. Quit smoking
2. Only drink on weekends
3. Loose weight blah blah blah
4. Save up for a luxury holiday
5. Pay off ALL my debt - including my loving parents
6. 'Invest' in some quality workwear
7. Learn to cook
8. Take up Yoga
9. Read more books - trashy chicklie included
10. Learn toplay the trumpet
I took a step back and realised that it was time to be an adult about it and to take a more achievable approach to self improvement. Let's face it, how many of these am I realistically likely to uphold?! Very few, if any.
With this in mind I came up with a new New Year's resolution - to have better sex!
This may seem superficial to some, but I really think it's important to a girl's life. And what better way to shift those extra Christmas pounds that will undoubtedly cling to my hips like my boyfriend does to me on a drunken sofa session?
In an effort to maintain this resolution, I perused the internet in search of an exciting book to give me ideas. I stumbled across a vast array of literature on how to 'stimulate mind and body', 'get into the sex zone' and 'give the best head EVER'. After much deliberation I decided on a book that claims to give you a new position for every day of the year. Looking at some of them, I experienced a variety of emotions - sheer fear, a distinct feeling of inflexibility, but mostly uncontrollable excitement.
So, armed with my new book, some quality lubrication and an enormous box of condoms I'm heading into the new year excited and horny!
Happy New Year Ladies and Gents - 2009 will be the year of amazing sex....if nothing else!
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